Communication: The Key to Good Beneficiary Relationships

07 Jul Communication: The Key to Good Beneficiary Relationships

When a loved one dies, emotions run high. Family members may be sad their loved one is no longer with them. They may feel lost, unsure how to move on. They may feel relief that the stress of a complicated relationship is finally over.

And if they are expecting to be beneficiaries, they are certainly wondering how much they will inherit and when the cheque will be in the mail.

The executor is often on the receiving end of all these emotional, stressful interactions. But it’s not the job of the executor to play therapist for the beneficiaries, nor should the executor settle disputes. The executor needs to stay outside of family drama, and carry out the wishes of the deceased.

On average, it takes a whole year to settle an estate, but most beneficiaries don’t know that. The executor who communicates early and often demonstrates transparency and earns trust. It’s a good idea to arrange a meeting of all beneficiaries as soon as possible after the funeral. In this meeting, the executor can explain his or her role as well as the entire process of settling the estate.

After this meeting, executors should send out regular email communication to notify all beneficiaries of progress or updates. The communication should go out monthly, at a minimum, with additional notices going out more frequently when necessary.

The executor walks a fine line with these emails. Although they are vitally important tools for building trust and helping beneficiaries through a challenging time, the estate is still the responsibility of the executor. Providing too much information can invite comments and complaints. The executor should limit the messages to the following information:

• The stage the executor is currently working on, whether new or a continuation
• Any progress that has been made since the last communication
• Specific forms or documents the beneficiaries should expect to receive, and how to act on them
• A date the beneficiaries should expect to receive distribution checks

The executor could also use the opportunity to set ground rules for the estate (i.e., contacting the executor rather than the lawyer) or to request information of the beneficiaries (i.e., contact information).

When communicating with beneficiaries, keep these best practices in mind:

1. Remain on task. The executor’s primary responsibility is to carry out the wishes of the deceased. It’s important to be respectful of the beneficiaries, but their preferences carry little weight, if any.
2. Be a compassionate listener. The contents of the will may be challenging for some beneficiaries who were hoping for more. When a beneficiary responds negatively, it’s a good idea to diffuse the tension as best as possible. Listen to their concern, repeat it back to them for clarity and affirmation and express an understanding of their feelings. Then, suggest having a discussion about the issue the following week. Use the time before the meeting to consider the best way to respond.
3. Stay neutral. Don’t make any promises or commitments or reveal any personal opinions. These responses can limit the options available in the future and even make a stressful situation more stressful.

Expect to hear a lot of complaints from the beneficiaries, but stay professional and impartial. Developing a strong working relationship with the beneficiaries is critical – and communicating clearly and regularly with the beneficiaries can go a long way toward doing just that.

To learn more about the role of the executor, contact us.

Joel Rose

With over 35 years of experience, Joel Rose helps families – and their businesses – to prepare for the future. He offers guidance and support to help his clients create estate plans and succession plans that meet the needs of the whole family. Through his extensive professional and personal experience, Joel is known for his compassion and his ability to find a creative solution to meet each family’s needs.